Half the battle lost

In the previous post that I have I think I've explained about my state now.

When friends asked me whether I'm ok, I want to say no, but I can't. Everything in me is controlled. I want to see a shrink on whether I really have a split personality or it's a wannabe thing.

Sometimes I cry in my bed for fuck, I have no idea. Death did crossed my mind yet again. Even typing this makes me teary and scared.

Sometimes I did see life is a dead end with no positivity in it, only think it as born to died.

Nonetheless, it's still something I will keep fighting until I see my gone friends waving to me.