A Personal Experience

Only one reason that I think i am strong. I would say I walked out of my depression. I only realize it after it is over.

During the secondary school days, i would say during 'O' Levels. Some unhappiness clouded my class and one person stood up and say I am the one who caused it. Being a guy who dun like to explain much even when I did nothing wrong, I swallowed and took the blame with me. I was so lonely during the exam. I was studying without understanding. My life nearly crash and I nearly ended it. They out casted me till a point where they just leave me at the corner. I would say during those days, I don't know what I've done. But I am sure I've done nothing wrong. And also I've no idea why 'friends' at those days were so friendly to me and in just a day, I am like a exiled loner. The pain since then were with me.

So when I reached polytechnic, they came back again into my life, playing basketball almost 4 times a week together. I tot we were going back to friendship. But they suddenly stabbed me severely. They defended a guy whom they known for 3months on some dispute against me. And I left the group. I was very depressed and I was very much in pain. No one could understand. Even the guy who puts his hands around my shoulders and said we are best friends wounded my heart and tried to pry my girlfriend away from me at the same time. And that is the moment I've decided to change.

Thinking back to what I've done to leave the devil's curse, depression, I vowed to myself not to trust anybody. Even though it lifted the spell, but up came another. I started to doubt people and doubt what people said to me. I think that was also part of what destroyed my relationship with my gfs. I seemed to see people not by what they say and who they are, but what personality lies in them. I would say I fear no one but the devil in them.

Now as I grew and got into the branch I'm now, I felt happy and I felt good. I started to trust people. And they are Aloysius, Chinsiang, Leong Wai, Bryan Sio, Jonathan, Weijie and franklin, Ya lai, Colin and Clarence. I felt better. Thank you all. I blabbed this out for bloghoppers who are suffering the same fate and happens to hop to my blog and see this, hope that it may helped in some ways.

tiredd of life

Since young at 16yrs old, I got my first job as a sales assistant, then i moved on to help my friend distributing dummy phones to handphone shop around the country, then i went on to D & D as a salesman, then to a factory making handphone parts and then i went to my auntie's shop to be a delivery man, then Singtel hello shop, then to a factory and now in a f up organization.

Since 16, I've seen different kind of people through sales and also in factories populated with people of different race, culture and nationality. I know its not enough as compared to some other working cows, but its enough for me as for the time that I've worked, it already compiled them into my eyes and memories and have the gist of what kind of people there are in this world. It lets me think of myself and reminds myself of helping people around, listen to their problems, care for them. No one can really tells me that they are mature enough than i can say to them. I added immature to make my life so as not to appear dull and let people feel comfortable to be with but my life is finally tired and even though I'm still young, I've been through a lot as compared to most.

In the f up organization, my colleagues and I were working so hard and through nights when heartbeats were slowing down and snores could be heard. Remember the nights we went through, who were paid so little yet we toll and get scolding for things we did not do wrong. We are called back to do things for those who are paid so high and they who are paid so high were no where to be seen. Our big boss always reward us with cohesion and mostly were held during weekends and its a must to attend. Is that a reward? I guess most of us wanna rest as much as we can get than waking up early and go for a dumb cohesion.

My simple mentality since primary school of helpfulness now finally slowly faded.... I came to think of it as if you don't work hard so why should you deserve my help? I started to think of why should I help u. I started to think of thats your job, not mine, why should I help you than I always think as there is a purpose. I also started to think of scolding everybody who did not do their job and let others bear the consequences. But... I am tired... too tired to sound out the pain of me and my fellow colleagues and for those who have left, the pain will still be there because the outside world are still as dark as there is no such place as Utopia. Utopia, a perfect whole where people love each other, help each other, care for each other and a place where there is no difference between status and where rich and poor are all happily leaving together.

Today I say all this in my blog, is all because I am tired. I am tired of work, relationship, making new friends, and most importantly I am tired of my life. Even the world seems to be coming to an end, people are dying, natural disaster increase, disease evolving. Countries help each other to save global warming. I would say, forget it... Its all because of greed, selfishness, betrayal and hypocrites and many more that created all this. Try linking those I've mentioned and you will know.... We, mankind created all this problem and we, mankind created extinction and worsened beauty and graciousness that never exists.

On hold

This few days i guess i can onli hangout around my area. waiting for the CALL. stupid shit~!!!! ARGH!!!! and dun get this wrong, i am not waiting for a call from a girl. just some work things. LOL...

Some times I am thinking, am i really that bad?

just another day.

Today not much of motivation to do anything. I am looking to spark my life again. The family guy wanna transform again!!!! Soon.... karma will befall me but... who cares~~

workaholic again.

Work: Working and tiring myself from now on.

Relationship: ready to know girls, but not ready for relationship. Thats a good step already ok!!!

Family: Bit of problem.

Friends: No problem at all.

My delights: Haven't save enough to buy yet!!!

After so many people asked me about what I am going to do, I repeatedly said that I wanna be in the force. But because of so many asked, I start to doubt myself for it. With my skills currently is not enough to survive out there, but if I take up the management course as told by my parents, I maybe able to learn big outside.

Start to question myself now, should I fulfil my dream first, or is that really my dream, or bring myself back to reality?

Another song

This is a song intro by a friend who was my good friend, but den disappear after her relationship with my "friend".

Chinsiang ah Chinsiang~

I won't elaborate on who is he, what he is, or what funny things he did. But He really is a funny chap.

worried

Seriously I am not anxious about what happen around me now. I am very down on only one thing, which is, studies.

Yes yes, a lot of people tell me that I am those kind of person who dun need to sweat to study for anything as I have the talent in it. But since young, i don't wanna do it, I dun wanna be a nerd mugging and now I've suffered. I scored super grades during my last sem in Poly but I guessed its too late for me to think through.

Now looking at all the Uni, I regretted not studying as they need grades that are B/C. I wonder my last Sem grades can cover my 4 sems disaster on the course I do not like... ponder ponder, wonder, wonder.....

The Anger

I am a specialist. I have pride in it. Task given to me, I will get it done before I go chill and relax for the day. I respect people who deserved respect, I respect people who show good example. Treat me as a specialist but bear in mind, I have a personality of a unit men. So try me one more time...... soon, u will know.

Happy, contented and disappointed.

Happy because I got new gadgets: Helen( External Hard disk Of 160gb ) and Elizabeth ( 2gb thumbdrive ): got both for 156$. I think thats cheap la! Went with Leong Wai, Ron, Weijie, Chinsiang. Chinsiang bought a 160gb HD too and Leong Wai bought an incredible amount of 250gb. LOL...

Contented because I was thinking of getting a hard disc for my comp for a year and finally bought it.

Disappointed is to what I saw. Ron was talking to the sales assistant, and this women was going to pay for her Monitor. Ron wasn't aware and I look at the women, she gave this sluttish look and also give that fuck off face to Ron. I was like, if she say excuse me loud enough even a deaf can move away lah, she dun have to squeak so softly and give that shitty look. Please, Singaporean need to change their way of approaching things and also women are mostly part of it as research have shown on tv.

FUNNY SHIT!!!

I have to blog this immediately!! The way Chinsiang say this is so damn funny!!!! He shred away all the shits he says and now I have a blog to blog his shit also!! LOL... Basically, he started off intro-ing a DVD he just watched last night ( Elizabeth Town ) but he pronounced it as Invisible Town. LOL!!!! Then he ended this lame shit with the leading actress, Kirsten Dunst, but he pronounced it as Curtain Dance. LMFAOL!!! LOL....

Yu Sheng!

Went to Aloysius House and met his wife. LOL... And also... catch up with all the Branch Mate. LOL... And below almost says it all. Oh ya, before going out, did my happy Lao Yu Sheng Session with my Family!! So funny, all I can say was HUAT HUAT HUAT!!!

My YU SHENG!!

See the drinks? My dad put it to make the photo nicer.. Lameass

My girlfriend. LOL..

Nice color!

His Majesty and Her Highness

The After Math

Who will pour a beer till like this? There can only be one.....

Chinsiang!!

Nightwalkers..

Outing

The intimate route march...

irritated.

I AM NOT READY FOR ANYTHING.

Funny Reaction...

I think I falling in love with Zhang Shao Han~!!!!

Just now went to WhiteSand just to duplicate key for Earl. LOL... But good old frank acc me. Thanks! We were @ the shop called Keyshoe. Then we were waiting outside Watson for that guy. Then one guy walked passed us, then me and frank look at the back of the shirt, KeyShoes. Both of us, stunned! HUH!! Arent he going to open the shop which was open halfway? Then Frank comforted ourself saying his shirt is Keyshoes, but the shop is Keyshoe. LAME!!

He then was with his tricks on girls again. He wave to a pretty sales assistant in Watson then she smile happily and ask what happen, then whenever frank asked a question, the girl look at me and ans. LOL!! Frank was jealous!!! LOL... FUNNY SHIT! stupid headache now... night~

Just Cool

I am just cool.

Lamb Chop Play Along~~

I think most people below my age may not be familiar to this children programme which was a hit during my child age.


Gosh~ LOL...

Valentine's Day is Next

Yeah yeah yeah... its coming and wish everybody a happy valentine's day!!! another boring day soonn... All those singles peeps go all out for the girl you likes and all the best!!

Happy New Year 2

Went over to my Encik Desmond house. WAHAHAHA... Chatted about the army things, but I interested in the little girl on the baby chair. Thats his little girl, 13months old! She see me holding the green tea, then keep looking at it. Then I ask her wanna drink a not she nodded her head leh!!!! So cute!! Keep holding on to my both hands last finger. HAHAHAHA... And we went on for a small gambling.I got lucky and win around 70$ I think. LOL...

After that small fun, we went over to Bryan's house. Dunno why they play cards till sian already and it involves alcohol. I was like, looking at it I going to vomit, then Franklin ask me try a bit, I nearly puke!!! I can drink, but not anymore. I quited it like 4months ago, and whew~~ I was able to siam from the situation. But Ron wasn't lucky. Hahaha!!! Won't elaborate on that. Its time our branch teach him to become a real man.

Yalai got a girlfriend. And suits him a lot and thats great. But to me, I was talking to Leong Wai about it, I said, girls shouldn't be talking out loud and also should be that chu lu. Maybe I like girls that is wen rou and very gurly which I think thats what makes a women attractive. LOL

Am I ready?

Later finally going out. First stop will be at the Encik house! Next stop will be the gathering at Bryan's condo with lots of friends and also.... some girls from his sister. LOL!!!

Few days ago, two "little" girls merge together to try to talk me through for another relationship. I would say thank you. I will think about it though. I know that person is caring for me and I know everything. I am just phobia of relationship. So scary... so sorry for being rude that day and unload my pain on u girls. Sorry~

Today is Chu 3!!! Hope can get more Hongbaos~!!!! woohoo~

BOREDDD

New Year 2nd day.. Stayed home because relatives are around. Father went for Mahjong and I wanna go out too!!! I boring till cannot le.. I WAN MAHJONG~!! Jieyun playing alr!! NOT FAIR! She wana go KTV, then I was like HUH?? Got open? LOL!!! BQ is like old till no ideas alr. LOL.. Kokheng still so shy about asking others. WTF~ LOL... ARGH!! NVM.. tomorrow go Encik Desmond Tan house!!!!!

Happy New Year

新的一年，我，高伟鸿祝福大家万事如意，年年有余。好累的一天。帮忙表哥看孩子们，真是一件很考体力的事。然你们看看我的nephew and niece。

He really know all about photography. LOL..

Jiawei just wanna watch the DVD!

HE IS DAMN CUTE!!

My Min Min

Ah Jun, cool right? He not using the 奶瓶，he using Nike Sports water bottle.
So happy with them around. LOL... I wan babies!!!!!

Some pics to share and keep in Memory.

Just wanna post up some pics... HAHAHA...


actually wanted this Polo, but it seems weird on me and dunno where are the flaws

She came down to acc me o~ Thanks~

Jy and me... She took one also. LOL..

Recommended by my PC last yr, but this yr then buy, very nice really!!!!

A gift for all from 1SG LOH WEICAI!! Congrats on the Promotion~

Thats all folks~!!!

Superwomen

Well, the topic is not related to my update. its just the song I am listening now... The voice is powerful, its like Cao Ge got backup projector to further amplify his voice up one level!

So not excited for Chinese New Year. Its not as if I just got married and have the new chance to distribute Hongbaos. LOL.. Its just any other days when I visit those bloody gamblers gambling away and staking so high. Since its CNY, so I just won't care. But if gambling is their own shit, why come and borrow money from my family? then now say is relative. Tell them dun gamble, they say not my business, then need money then my business. Shitty..

I just hope this person I asked can really connect me to my primary school slapping buddy Tricia. She seems disappear already..... so scary. LOL~

Horoscope

SAGITTARIUS - The Happy-Go-Lucky One
Good-natured optimist. Doesn't want to grow up (Peter Pan Syndrome). Indulges self. Boastful( depends OKAY!!! ). Likes luxuries and gambling(I super anti-gambling!!!). Social and outgoing. Doesn't like responsibilities(I am obsessed having it!). Often fantasizes( what does this mean? ). Impatient. Fun to be around. Having lots of friends. Flirtatious. Doesn't like rules. Sometimes hypocritical(I am not!!). Dislikes being confined - tight spaces or even tight clothes. Doesn't like being doubted.( This is DEFINITELY true! ) Beautiful(handsome too ok?) inside and out.

Its good to have some beliefs in Horoscope. LOL! Well, have list out some I am not!!! Hahaha.. so check it out...

Busy morning...

Was busy setting up the school retreat.. then hahaha... everything planned was cock up.. I was not to be blame!! is the chef and the organizer.. LOL!!! Nearly got scolded but before my boss can say anything, i quickly say not my fault, is they forgot.. hmm.. it rhymes.. anyway, i was asked to sit in with my boss and listen throughout.. I was so busy that during their discussion, i keep having phone calls. SO FAMOUS!! hahaha... all the calls hang up already the other came in~~ very fan! LOL..

Then after that just throw smoke grenade and disappear in thin air. Back to office relax awhile before I could breathe, off to work again.. HAHAHA... Quite happy I am busy~

Dumb Sunday~

Was planning to go out early in the morning to go buy clothes.. then the rain seems to come after me. LOL.. So i waited till 1800, cannot take it so i just go out... just nice Jieyun called me asking my whereabouts, then i say i goin Marina Square, alone.. then she say she going Orchard alone.. then we both say ok.. good luck. LOL!!!

I reach Marina Square walk ard then can find lots of clothes, but got phobia because I dun like people approach me telling me can try or what shit. Hahaha. I've been through that a lot!!! Then Jieyun msg me say Orchard nothing, so I recommend she come over meet me. LOL... I bought a short sleeve shirt, then within 15mins later she came and I bought a bag, quite cheap... just $79.90! then onli spend 100++... Very not enough loh! Then I treat her Swenson because she took the effort to meet me. LOL!! (-.<)v Thanks a lot. Hahaha... We lame throughout so not very bored.. didn't expect that too. LOL...

Closing myself again

Still binded by my past. It haunts me still~ ARGH!!!

Laughter.

Yesterday went out actually was alone then the nv be mention person called me. Then she join me, and she said something that I nv expected.....

The first thing she saw me is say I look different. LOL! Next... she say something that made me contented, as in someone can see it now finally. HAHAHA.. She said I was not who I used to be.. my laughter were forced and not very convincing and not the kindergarden happy boy. LOL... Dunno where she got those from.. but ok lah.. LOL...

Quite a night, but we chose to go home early as she need to meet her bf the next day and I wanna rest, old le... LOL..

Another Lesson Learnt

Now or never. This was my primary school motto. I was young and no idea what the hell it means. Gradually I understood it. For years, its what i work towards for.

There are dreams and hopes in everybody. People often choose nv because of this reality check in Singapore. Money and money and having money is the most important in this country and I will not say for all country. Sufficient is never good. However nobody thinks of the NOW and always thought of NEVER.

Actually now or never means will you be doing the things you love for now then never fulfilling it. Thats why I choose Now...

Patrons of my blog, please ponder about it and at least try to be NOW.

Mentality

I guess Leong Wai got it right. I love doing my job. And just looking at it being tarnish.. although its in the process of it, I really sian diao because see till I also very Xin Ku~ Sorry Ya lai, I will try to get it back and rebuild it so that what good reputation we had left will not be gone~!

困扰

今天上司要我下去教新兵。 我很想。但回头想想，不好。 因为我过去为了总部花了补不回来的睡眠，现在说要下就下，我有点不甘心。所以下午寄了封手信给上头只说我不想下去和要求我的BOSS还会我的原本工作，因为我很想以前忙着的时候。因为在办公室能学的事务是可在外工作可用的。现在只好听天由命。。。。

Home

Today got home early due to the lunch at Han's River. It actually sucks and I prefer seoul garden. Hahaha. Too bad no camera, or else can take the picture of why sucky. LOL. Johnathan drop me home, thats why can be so early! Thanks a lot!

Let fate decide.....

Section 2

Just to write down just in case when Im old and blogger haven down, I can be able to refer to it, I think soon have to keep all my blog update in a folder le so that just in case blogger suddenly close down.

What about section 2? I just wanna jot down this few section mate I have, what they are liked.

Bed 1 = Heng Mingpo: A very lame and always sleepy fellow, was able to get passed all situation blurly. LOL. He super happy-go-lucky, I lose him.

Bed 2 = Wu Haowei: He is super fake and always dun wanna go training and he succeeded. We all don't like him, maybe because we hate chao geng! He earn his way into the Temple of Chao Geng gia~

Bed 3 = Ko Weihong: Always fight with his buddy and running around trying to help with no motive of course. Was very straightforward when he was talking to his superior on what he don't like. Hahaha. Try to low profile but failed.

Bed 4 = Kamal: My buddy. Ok, we fought, and we play and we laugh together. We love to stick together to disturb people and make people irritated. Always disturb him and his girlfriend. LOL.. FUN till now is the same old shit.

Bed 5 = Tong Jun Wei: My Ducky! He talk like one and he is the lamest in this world! Cannot believe he IPPT gold also. He also somehow blur sometimes and he is joker 2. You should know who is Joker 1 already.

Bed 6 = Banny: the Garang yet a fun guy. He signed on and after the graduation, he changed his ranks. LOL.. ask me about what I meant. LOL..

Bed 7 = Louis: BLUR like sotong! Suay like fuck. LOL.. till now still suay. But he very funny and lame also. But lose to me and tong! LOL.. He got this depression face and I have to always ask him ok a not till he irritated then my buddy will double attack him with all the irritation.

Bed 8 = Weiliang: He is the witch of Section 2. He very weird. Quiet and lame and the type of lame is not even funny. Very petty. But a nice person lah~

We have different personality. But we manage to get together and go through the course without WU HAO WEI. Remember when 2 of them "died" and there is confusion during of exercise. All dunno who wanna be leader. Then I shouted fuck lah!! Then I command them and lucky no one died. ZAI a not! LOL..

I will never forget ... ... the days we spent and the fun we had! A32.